Something Bizarre: Dr. Dolittle I am not!

Scenario: Tess spots a monkey in The Bukit Timah Nature Reserve for the 1 millionth time.

Tess: "Oh look! A monkey!" *click*

Monkey: "Oh Jesus, not her again"

Tess: "Come on little guy, look at the camera" *click*

Monkey: "I'm just going to ignore the bitch, and maybe she'll go away"

Tess: "Tnks Tnks Tnks! Come on, look up!" *click*

Monkey: "I am not a cat you moron..."

Tess: "Look up! ::snaps fingers:: Look Up!" *click*

Monkey: " *sigh*, FML!"

Tess: "Thank you! ::squeee::" *click*

Monkey: "You're welcome asshole"

Monkey: "Now Fuck off!"

Tess: "EEK!"

You'd think by now, I'd know not to harass the wildlife . . .

Love,

Tess

Sshh! She's Serious...

On my blog, I spend quite a bit of time writing about things I observe, Robert Pattinson, and the past⎼but I don't write about my present. Today, I'm breaking with tradition because this is important to me.

In August, a friend asked if I'd be interested in participating in a half-marathon she organised to benefit women in the Congo. The more she shared, the more emotionally invested I became. But here's the clincher... I am not a runner. I'll do virtually any other type of cardiovascular exercise except running.

I signed up to walk it.

Fast forward to the first day of training.... Have you ever tried to walk 22km? JFC! This is taking forever!

Fast forward again to two days before the race... I now own running shoes and feel confident I will finish before dark.

Please keep me in your thoughts this Saturday, November 20th, as myself and a fabulous group of women walk, jog, run, or stagger our way around McRitchie Reservoir, Singapore.

If you're interested in learning more, please click on the following:

Run for Congo Women

Women for Women International

That's it for now.

Love,

Tess

Show Them and They Will Come?

I've been living in SE Asia since 2002, and I can count on ONE hand the number of close friends and or relatives who have come to visit me. ONE hand people!

Even if you didn't have a passport when I first arrived, you've had 8.5 years to get your shit together and come see me! It's free room a board, I'm entertaining as hell, and Bali is just a two hour flight away! What's taking you so long?

Words are not enough?

Need some visual stimulation?

Here's a little taste of what you've missed over the past few weeks (please excuse the quality, some were taken with my phone).

This is a funeral vehicle hired by the family of the deceased as part of the wake. The men usually sing and walk along the outside of the vehicle during the procession. This is an old tradition, which is fading away. I'm happy to have had my camera with me this day.

Hungry? How about a little Buddha-Soup for the soul?

Too hot for soup you say?

How about some chicken?

Half or whole? Which half?

Or maybe you're not that hungry... maybe you'd prefer a snack!

Did I mention it was the monsoon season?

Singapore isn't just for fish flavoured Pringle lovers... You can buy anything you like in here.

For every bizarre thing you come across, there's something beautiful. The cloud formations take will take your breath away... every.single.day

This is an advertising campaign inside a theatre lobby. Heinous grammar is rampant in Singapore, but it's sort of charming.

Another fine example of local advertising. Should you really include the word Baby and caricatures of condoms together? Cannot lah.

I can guarantee you'll see some things you've never seen before. Take this tree for example. Look closely, It's completely covered in a web.

Here's the little bugger responsible.

We get the occasional dragon fly. This is actual size by the way.

Monkeys are also quite common, especially if there are fruit trees in your neighborhood. I took this picture during a run a few weeks ago.

I especially love the way the cab drivers take the time to decorate their dashes. There was a lot going in here, what with the dolphin, auspicious coins, and fish bowl... but it was the prawn that really struck me; it jiggled and vibrated with the motion of vehicle; like it was going to scuttle off at any moment.

Just another cab decoration. I call this: Crouching Air-Freshener, Hidden Camel

There are some lovely places to go during the evening in Singapore.

If you don't believe me, come see for yourself...

I'll leave the light on for you,

Tess

Unweaving a Rainbow

Is it possible to see a rainbow in the sky and not marvel at it's beauty? If you're reading this post, you've probably also noted my profile avatar.

Yes, I am lover of rainbows.

While at work a few weeks ago, I was fortunate enough to capture the perfect moment of the setting sun as it was caught and reflected through a glass door.

Hmmmm... I love the way the cracks in the concrete floor look like lighting against a stormy sky; and the rainbow represents the hope of better things to come.

Seeing this also reminded me of the time I was traveling down the 5 freeway from San Francisco to L.A. with my mother and now stepfather. My Step-father is lovely. He's also one of the most intelligent men I've ever met, but as evidenced in this story I am about to share, he was clearly lacking when it came to dealing with young children.

I was in the backseat of the car, reading, when I glanced up to notice a rainbow arcing across the ocean. I immediately shouted, "Oh Look! A rainbow!!!"

Mom: "Where?"

Me: *gesturing madly* "Over there! Over there!! Do you see it?"

Mom: "Ooooh yes!"

Stepfather: "Hrrm..." (flicked eyes casually up to view)

Stepfather: *clears throat* and continues, "You know what causes a rainbow don't you?"

Mom: *directs what I now recognise as 'The Look of Panic' at Stepfather*

Me: *thinks to self, 'Why yes! it's a bridge to the fairy world' but says out loud* "Um...not really"

Stepfather: "A rainbow is an optical illusion created when the light of the sun shines through droplets of water in the Earths atmosphere"

Me: O_O

Stepfather: continued without a pause "The arc you see is caused by light refracting when it enters the droplet and then reflects back onto the droplets of water....blah blah blah blah blah"

Me: *Gives mother the 'Say it isn't so!' eyes*

Mom: *Looks pointedly at Stepfather* "I think that's enough of an explanation for now"

Stepfather: "Oh, um...yes. It's all very...um..well, yes... hrmm"

Me: *Continued looking at rainbow⎼with new eyes⎼ until I could no longer see it*

This moment has become a favourite family story. I've forgiven him, but I can also identify with John Keats in this excerpt from his poem, 'Lamia'.

Do not all charms fly

At the mere touch of cold philosophy?

There was an awful rainbow once in heaven:

We know her woof, her texture; she is given

In the dull catalogue of common things.

Philosophy will clip an Angel's wings,

Conquer all mysteries by rule and line,

Empty the haunted air, and gnomed mine –

Unweave a rainbow

Rainbows will always remind me of a time when I imagined them to be bridges to wondrous, faraway places⎯now that I'm older, they still bring me wondrous joy... even when they're refracted and reflected across a simple concrete floor.

That's it for now.

Love,

Tess

Something Beautiful Turns into Something Bizarre...

The eyes of a man who sees.

Pygmy Tess: (en falsetto) "The eyes of a man who sees" What.The.Fuck is that supposed to mean?

Tess: erm... Sorry?

Pygmy Tess: His eyes! Of course he uses his eyes to see⎯What else would he fucking do with them?

Tess: It's a metapho...

Pygmy Tess: Ohhhhh...Ri-ght. I get it. You're trying to get all "deep" and shit.

Tess: No. I wasn't trying anything. I was just inferring thaa....

Pygmy Tess: Yeah, His eyes. I know⎯AndThatHeUsesThemToSee.

Tess: You're purposely misunderstanding me.

Pygmy Tess: And you're posting without a purpose.

Tess: Now you're just being an ass.

Pygmy Tess: I know you are, but what am I?

Tess: FINE! I'll delete the fucking post! HAPPY??

Pygmy Tess: Pffpt...*shrugs* Don't do it on my account.......

Tess: I can't believe you're talking to me this way!

Pygmy Tess: Technically, you're talking to yourself.

See why I don't blog more often?

Love,

The Tess(s)