Let Me Tell You a Bedtime Story

Dear Rob,

I have a question I've been burning to ask you; what is it with men and sex? You guys can sleep without it—right?

I have looked at this picture at least half a dozen times and trust me... I am not even slightly sleepy. If anything, it makes me feel down right perky. Perhaps you're reading the wrong types of books, and would be open to a few recommendations.

May I suggest the following by Lauren Child?

I figured we could read it together. You wear the bottoms; I'll wear the top; I'll make you pink milk, and then we'll have good cuddle.

That's it for now.

I'll leave the light on for y♥u,

Tess

Dear God, It's Me Tess. What The Hell?

Dear God,

When I prayed that Rob and I would be really really close one day...I didn't mean RELATED!

I know you don't have a sense of humor...but if this is your idea of a joke—I am not laughing *whispers* You're not still pissed off I didn't join the convent...are you?

Center: My Father

I'm feeling a bit sick right now. I think I need to go lie down.

Somebody find me Mrs. Pattinson's phone number... I think I she forgot to include me on the extended family guest list.

That's it for now,

Love

Tess

Time Flies When You're Having Fun!

Seriously.

The one year anniversary of my blog came and went and I didn't even notice. I published my first post on October 22, 2008. Given that I just ramble most of the time, I'm not even sure if I can call this a blog―a blog is supposed to be about something... right?

As far as I can tell my blog has ADHD. But even this statement contradicts itself, because if that were true, I'd post more often. And since I've only posted 44 times in the past 54 weeks―I can't use that excuse. Hey wait! 44! That's a good number! 4+4 = 8 and 8 is my lucky number! if you take an 8 and turn it on it's side it's a symbol for.... Oh Jesus, there I go again...What the fuck was I talking about? Oh yeah, my blog―and how infrequently I post.

You know, I'd probably post more often if it weren't for the Tesses (pushy bitches) always trying to add their two cents in. You have no idea what I go through. You think I'm kidding? I'm not. Do I dare tell you how many half finished textual meanderings I have stashed away?

I start writing...

It's flowing...

I like it...

Hell, I might even love it...

'Yeah, I think to myself, this shit is fucking funny!'

'Dude!, I continue, This might be the best thing you've ever written!'

'Whoa! It's getting late. I'm better go to bed'

File... Save as... blah blah blah... With a self-satisfied smile, I go to sleep feeling really good about myself.

I wake up the next morning.

I re-read it.

I hate it

WTF.

I'm seriously beginning to wonder about myself―maybe I am suffering from a multiple personality disorder... or ADHD. No, wait! maybe I have ADHD and OCD, or maybe I have issues with commitment―or a short attention span... OR MAYBE I'M JUST FUCKING BORING!!!

stops to think...

Nah... I banished 'Boring Tess'.

Anywho...

♥♡♥ HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO ME ♥♡♥

That's it for now.

Lot's of ♥ and thank you for reading,

Tess