Still Driven...

I am such an amateur.

State of Rhode Island Department of Motor Vehicles: 1

Tess: 0

My last post ended with me flying to Rhode Island to get my Drivers license. In typical 'Tess' fashion I: gathered, researched, read, and verified anything I could think of to achieve my objective. I even gave up ogling Robert Pattinson so I could devote every spare moment memorizing all 73 pages of the drivers manual!

Highlights from Sec. B: General Notices to Motorist included:

☛ Never attempt to outrun a patrol vehicle or ignore the lights and siren.

☛ Do not duck down or make sudden movements, especially toward the floor, rear seats, or passenger seats. The officer may interpret these movements as an attempt to obtain a weapon or hide illegal goods.

☛ Avoid provoking the officer or showing off in front of your occupants. Do not interfere with the questioning or arresting of other occupants. Comply with the officer first then, if needed, seek an explanation.

And my personal favorite.

☛ The motorist should not pretend he/she does not see the officer, assuming it is another motorist that the officer is attempting to stop.

In order to beat the crowds, we arrived at the DMV at 7:45am⎼a full 45 minutes before it opened. As we joined the queue, I counted 117 people in front of me. The first two of which, had had the foresight to bring their own foldable chairs and magazines. The gentleman directly in front of us had brought a white hand towel. Since I had planned my DMV ensemble quite carefully, I wondered if I had missed something? 'What's with the towel?', we mockingly whispered. 'Do they make you do the dishes if you fail?' 20 minutes later, as sweat was rolling down the backs of my legs, I regretted wearing black during a heatwave. It was then I noticed the gentleman in front of me looking quite refeshed with his hand towel covering his head.

The doors finally opened. 15 minutes, and another queue later, I'm holding number 5003, staring at a monitor. The monitor read 5000. 'It won't be long now' I say. '5001…, 5002…, 5006…, Hey, what happened to 5003? Maybe it's not sequential?' I wait and see. '5007!, What the f*ck!'

I raced up to the counter to whine at ask the DMV officer what was going on! After a slight scolding [for not realizing I should've been watching several monitors], verifying my identity, and proving my Rhode Island residency (conveniently obtained the day before), I was directed to Testing Room 2. My spirits were buoyed by the fact the room number was also indicated in braille. Hey, If they let blind people take the test, this is going to be a breeze!

Once Inside the room, I was greeted by another DMV officer who bore a remarkable resemblance to Tommy Lee Jones. After checking my paperwork yet again, I was directed to testing station 16. I immediately noted how cosy each station was. Not only spacious, each station had generous partitions at each side. These either discouraged cheating off your neighbor or provided cover in the event you wanted to take a nap.

Exams always make me anxious. In addition to worrying about trick questions, I was also concerned about drawing attention to myself. All such thoughts disappeared when a man entered the room. If his tattooed shaven head wasn't enough to get him noticed, his loud shorts and ankle monitor certainly would've done the trick. Instead of sneaking a last minute peak at the drivers manual, I found myself imagining what he'd done to warrant the tether, and If I reminded him of his ex girlfriend. My daydreams were interrupted by the start of the test. As I hit the 'finished' key, I was so relieved when the word PASSED flashed on the screen, I skipped towards the counter and greeted Mr. Jones. He confirmed that I had passed and asked when I would like to schedule my Behind The Wheel test?

Tess: 'Well, this week if possible'

Mr. Jones: 'Well that's not possible'

Tess: 'Why not?'

Mr. Jones: 'Because you have to make an appointment. The first available appointment is Sept 27th. You want 1:30pm or 4:30pm?'

Tess: 'I realise you have to make an appointment. But when I called ahead to explain my situation, I was advised you might be able to fit me in. I'm flying back overseas this weekend and I'd like to get this sorted before I left'

Mr. Jones: 'You don't live in Rhode Island? Why are you applying for a Rhode Island license then?'

Tess: 'No, no.. I do, or that is to say, I will be. I'm relocating back to Rhode Island. But I have to pack up my house. I had hoped to get everything in place so it would be easier once I'm back. You know how it is…' *prays* Please God. I'm lying for a worthy cause. Make him say yes!

Mr Jones: 'Oh yeah, I understand. But even if I could fit you in, Rhode Island law stipulates that you must have your permit for 30 days before you can take the 'Behind the Wheel Test'

Tess: 'WHAT! You're kidding me! NobodySaidAnythingAboutThisWhenICalled! ItDoesn'tSayAnythingAboutThisOnYourWebsite! OrTheManual! I'm not even a minor! I've had a drivers license before!'

Mr. Jones: 'We'll, not in Rhode Island you haven't. You want 1:30pm or 4:30pm'

Tess: '1:30pm is fine, thank you'

So there you have it. I still don't have a valid drives license but I….

-Did finally get to: see, hug, talk, & laugh with friends who are very dear to me (you know who you are).

-Stocked up on undergarments & bathing suits.

-Did Satisfy my Dunkin' Donuts Coffee & Junior Mints craving.

-Almost got a tattoo.

-Took some fun photo's

-Was invited into my old house by a complete stranger.

-Was Bitten by a swan.

-Got chatted up by an extremely hot guy [of questionable sexual orientation], but it still felt nice.

-Saw Pogo Dave

-Spent an entire evening wishing I had BIG hair.

-Had a car salesman give me a something related to a vehicle I could never afford, based solely on our mutual admiration of Top Gear.

-Realised that people in the US are friendlier than those from other countries.

-Discovered I cannot be around Dink and not smoke.

-Confirmed that I have an intense dislike for International economy air travel.

-Wished there was a special place in hell for people who infringe upon your limited space during International economy air travel.

-Can find several ways to entertain myself when bored in a gun shop.

-Rekindled my love for antique shops and bakelite.

-Now know I have a special way with flying squirrels.

-Will forever love Dink because she understands me and my need to take photo's in Swan Point Cemetery.

Sure, I could've probably purchased an entire new identity for the cost of the flights back and forth between Singapore and the States, but I wouldn't have had as much fun.

See you soon and I'm bringing a hand towel.

Love,

Tess