Now what are you going to do?
Many of you have asked me this very same question (I exaggerate), so I thought I'd compile a list (because I can't help myself) to help you navigate through any 'first date' awkwardness. You can thank me later.
A Girls Guide to the First Date
1) Now is not the time to whip out that soggy, dog-eared picture of your ideal wedding gown.
2) Avoid responding to everything Rob says with: “OMG! Me too!”
3) Leave the Duct tape at home.
4) Know the difference between good conversation and too much information (TMI).
5) Still not sure? TMI would be: a) telling him you wore adult diapers on the drive over, because you didn't want to be late for your date b) that one time in college, and c) you can't eat cauliflower because it gives you gas.
6) Don't act like a 'Bunny Boiler'. In fact, avoid all references to the movie Fatal Attraction.
7) Try not to jump up and down screaming; “OMG! OMG! OMG!” when you first see one another ☛ unless you're a D cup, then by all means, bounce away.
8) Resist the urge to sniff him.
9) Which reminds me─Don't sniff your food before you eat it either. No one's trying to poison you, and it just looks strange.
10) Repeat after me: “Insanity.does.not.run.in.your.family”.
11) Avoid all conversation about your dead cat, your wacky relatives, or what a bastard your ex boyfriend was. Retain an air of mystery... i.e., save it for the next date.
12) Under no circumstances are you to share the names you've chosen for your future unborn children.
13) If Rob leaves something on his plate, refrain from picking up your fork and asking: “Are you gonna eat that?”
14) No one needs to hear why you think you're 'God's Warrior Princess'. Trust me on this one.
15) Don't shave your legs. Where do you go from there??
16) If for some reason, you ignored #15, don't drink too much. It would be a shame not to remember that.
I should stop now. It's getting late, and you better get ready. Have fun, but don't do anything I wouldn't do. If you do, make sure you name it after me *wink*
That's it for now.
Love,
Tess
6 comments:
I think I need to go back to thr drawing board. My first date scenario I had planned involved a lot of wedding magazine and baby name books. Crap.
Oh... and my word verification is dingu, not sure why I find that hilarious, but I do!
Ha... now it's calica. No where near as funny as dingu.
Nearly choked on my coffee reading this!
Some of the don'ts remind me of the movie "How to lose a guy in 10 days".
This was Hilarious... I love you Tess, I was snorting at a few of these, which perhaps you should add the act of snorting to your list...
So funny!
This just blew all my plans!!
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